Buon Giorno! Or, as we like to say in Sunnyside, hello!
The week before leaving for Rome, I was up at the Monastery in a week-long, silent meditation intensive retreat. It is a wonderful thing and I highly recommend it to all but it did add a certain level of stress in terms of being ready to leave for nine days in Italy about 24 hours after getting back home. Indeed, as I sat in silence for those many hours, my mind would turn towards this trip and it would say "No." While my fears around flying came into the picture, the No wasn't totally about being afraid. It was more a longing to stay put (for once).
I am pretty sure that when the idea of wandering around Rome seems like a burden and chore, then it might be a sign that the timing is off. I mean, it feels almost like a crime against humanity to say that you don't want to spend nine days in Italy. Who says that?
Apparently I do. Each day, I would do a little check-in with myself: how does it feel to imagine going? How does it feel to imagine not going? Then, when I got home, I checked in with Lucy, who said, "I knew I didn't need to pack!" Old Mom is very obvious, I guess. I checked in with Finn, who just said that he needed more money if I wasn't going to be around to pay for everything. Ever practical, that guy.
Finn will be coming home for a spell very soon, so I will be seeing his long and lanky self in, well, about nine days time. Now, I can actually be ready! And finish the living room curtains. And paint the walls. And get the couch re-upholstered. Also: grocery shopping. And get the two art projects that returned from their various locations organized and put away instead of filling the above-mentioned living room.
I know that all that I just mentioned could have waited for nine days with no dire consequences but it occurred to me, as I sat in my stillness and silence, that my body was giving my a very clear message about what it needs. Usually, I might notice that message and overrule it. I mean, we gotta do stuff, right? That's how we prove our worthiness to occupy this little patch of real estate that we currently occupy on the planet. Right? I had the very radical thought that I might be worthy of occupying my little patch of real estate under my feet without running my body into the ground and even without making everyone around me happy or impressed or anything at all. What if I just listened instead and did the thing that was alternately easier and more difficult and stayed home?
Finn plans to return to Italy after getting a job and saving up some money so he can mix up WWOOFing with other travel. So, we considered this a postponement not a cancellation. Of course, who knows what will happen in the meantime - he is in a pivotal time of his life - but I trust that Rome will be there. It is the Eternal City, after all.