Tuesday, September 08, 2009

(More) Crying, Damn it.

Can you forgive me this self indulgent post?  Aren't all posts self indulgent?  Perhaps, but that is another topic.  Right now, I am feeling very sad about leaving Newfoundland.  

Last night was our last yoga class and we did our practice together, rather than having me do the instructing and adjusting.  I still called the breaths and the poses but we did it all together.  It was really lovely and about half way through, I thought I would cry.  You know, it's hard to breath, maintain the bandhas, call the poses and cry at the same time.  

It is such a great group of people.  We had a potluck supper afterwards - children and partners came.  Really lovely.

I know that location shouldn't really matter.  I also know that I have so much to look forward to - new places and experiences.  I further know that our time in New York will be packed with the most wonderful things, not least of which is spending time with the long suffering husband.  I know this.  But I still want to cry.

Newfoundland is this crazy place.  Crazy, wonderful, frustrating, beautiful place that I can settle into like a favourite chair.  Despite not being born here, it is where I have come home to roost.  I feel that sense of "ahhhh" everytime I step back on the island.  So, I guess it makes sense that I get the opposite feeling, a sense of "nooooo" when I have to leave.

Sometimes I think it might have been better to never have come at all because this leaving business is so hard, every time.  

Today I decided I would let myself be sad and cry if I want to - I don't care if it makes me a bad this or a failed that.  I'm crying, damn it.

I'm crying, damn it.  And the ferry leaves tomorrow at midnight.  

We'll be there!


OfTroy said...

Yeah, but, ®, NYC--Especially queens, is a great place too!

Its not as if you are leaving Newfoundland forever(just for a few months) and returning to the coal mines--
You're coming home to friends, and a new garden, and loving husband (OK, i am presuming here, but he sure seems it!)You are coming home to Etsy, and rhinebeck, and a gazillion LYS, and spinners, and..

And we are all looking forward to seeing you again.

take a breathe--you'll need a deep one to get you through the hussle an bustle of NYC!

Nathan said...

You know, I think it's just fine to feel sad about leaving somewhere you love. Yes, in some ways, place doesn't matter. But anyone who has spent awhile in a place they grow to love knows that it also does matter in other ways.

Best to you. Be well.


bluebird of paradise said...

It was lovely getting to know you a little more this summer. Safe journey and I'll look forward to next summer.

curtis said...

i also the same situation. i am living and have been living in norway for the past 3 years and this place has become my home. i love it here. but because i am not a citizen and cannot apply for citizenship i must leave. even though there are new experiences and oppurtunities in the future it still is emotionally difficult.
my advice is to cry. the only reason u feel like crying is because it is your brain telling your body this is what needs to be done. dont deny what comes natural. its ok to be human. go ahead and cry. cry til it comes to a natural halt. the only reason ur crying is because you need to. let it out. theres nothing to be ashamed of and there is nothing weak with crying. i wish you the best in new york.
p.s. Your love for newfoundland will stay in your heart forever and the sadness of leaving is only temporary. This thought has eliminated the thought of wishing i had never come to norway. better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all.