Finishing Touches

My holiday plans are not terribly ambitious this year.  Or maybe they are extremely ambitious but just don't include lots of merry-making and gift giving and receiving.  In any case, I am nearly finished with the making end of things.

It is so fun, I almost wish I had more to make.  I guess it wouldn't be hard to find someone else who needs a funky hat or scarf.  

Meanwhile, if you are in town, check out the exhibition of photographs of artists working in their Long Island City studios by Orestes Gonzalez at Long Island City Market.

Orestes came by my studio a couple of months ago and I tried to look productive and artful.  Not sure I succeeded but it was great fun to meet him and see his work.  It is a lovely exhibition that makes clear that LIC is chock-a-block full of creative talent.  Stop by if you can!

Crescit Eundo -- It Grows as it Goes

Ah, those days of unfettered racism and environmental destruction.

From all that I have been hearing and despite our best efforts, it seems that we haven't managed to kill the magic of New Mexico yet.

Get out the atlas, honey!  We have ourselves a road trip!

Comfort Seeking Missives

When things get a bit dicey, we all have something that we reach for as a way of getting through the tricky bits.  There are healthy choices and less healthy choices.  I guess it depends on how much you want to numb and/or distract yourself.  Last Sunday, I downed two glasses of wine, which definitely numbed things in a rather pleasant way.  Until it didn't anymore.  Everything came barreling back ten times stronger than before.  So much for that option.  

What I really wanted was the simple comfort of just knowing what to do:  knowing what comes next and not having to worry through anything.  

In difficult times, I reach for my drum carder.  Rivers of colour blending together: matte and glossy, primary and tertiary, complimentary and jarring.  It never gets old.

Some might remember that two people won skeins of Wee Ball Yarns as part of the give-aways for The Avenue of Trees project.  One person claimed her yarn from an already existing supply, so that was easy. Perhaps too easy - I kind of, sort of, forgot about the other one.  But then I remembered!  The recipient told me she liked colourful yarn but not pink, so I aimed for lots of colour but no pink.  It was harder than I thought it would be to resist tossing a little pink in there.  In fact, I might have added just a little.  You know, as an accent.

Then, more recently, I was matched up with a very wonderful, special person to be her secret Santa.  She is an interesting combination of large personality and dedication to simplicity and service.

A bit of pink is ok for her, I suspect, but not any wimpy pinks.  She needs strong, powerful pinks.  I wanted to make a yarn that was mostly neutrals but with little explosions of colour.  This will become a hat.

Yes, comfort and joy.  'Tis the season, after all.

Wanted: A Real Vacation

Last winter, I went with a friend to a woman who reads Tarot cards in Corner Brook.  Many people had sung her praises and my friend is pretty devoted to her so I thought it would be something of a hoot to have a reading.  I can't say that I put a lot of store in the whole enterprise, but I was definitely intrigued and I am game to do just about anything at least once.

The woman herself was not particularly impressive - just a slightly past middle aged woman in a housecoat.  No burning incense, no crystal balls, in fact, nothing fortune teller-esque about her or her home at all.  After she and my friend chatted about this and that, and we discovered that we had both lived in Jamaica Plains, Massachusetts, we got down to business.  Other than this little tidbit about my time in JP, this woman knew exactly nothing about me.

To say she totally rocked my world would not be overstating the case.  I will spare you the details but it was almost a little embarrassing the amount of rather intimate details she went into in front of my friend (who I adore but I hadn't - yet - really bared my soul to).  In among the life-altering revelations and odd radio announcer coincidences, she suddenly turned to me and said, "You need a vacation."

I could have cried right there and then.  Because, dear friends, I most sincerely do need a vacation.  I have not taken time away that wasn't related to work or Zen practice, which contrary to what my mother claims is not relaxing, for so many years that I can not actually remember the last time.  Perhaps it was being at my parent's cottage on Cape Cod in the summer of 1997?

After a rather tough week of dealing with a potential health-related crisis and having not one but two total meltdowns (sorry, Dan), I vowed that, should said crisis be averted and I was not going to be involved in various unpleasant treatments, I would plan a real vacation.  Thankfully, the verdict, while slightly mixed, is mostly positive on the health front.  So, I am ready to plan!

Part of me wants to find a quiet place to just sit and read and knit and do yoga and completely enjoy doing nothing.  Side note:  when I said all that to Finn, he replied that it sounded like I would be doing an awful lot of something for someone doing nothing.  Then, part of me wants to travel just for the fun of it.  Lucy wants to go back to Texas and the most excellent South Indian food ever at the Taj Chat House in Irving.  Finn suggested Berlin or Tokyo, which I nixed immediately.  My only rule that is whatever we do, it can not add to the overall stress level, which has been peaking on a too regular basis for too many months.  So, airplanes are out (however good they may be for character-building).

Driving to Texas and on to New Mexico (hint, hint Martie!) is a possibility.  Maybe go through Asheville, NC?  Going back to Montreal also seems quite appealing except that we need to do this before March 2012 when I begin an advanced yoga teacher training program in ernest.  I have driven from NYC to Peterborough, ON, in January and it was not exactly stress-free so I am not sure heading north makes a lot of sense.

Ideas?  Suggestions?  Recommendations?  Finn and Lucy are ok with some car time especially if there is some pay-off (read: masala dosa) at the end.  We are thinking of taking perhaps two or three weeks in total time away.

I eagerly await your replies.

When This Becomes That

Two-ply, lace weight, merino/silk.  I have not counted the yardage yet, but I think it is up there.  Handpainted fleece from Widdershin Woolworks (who else?).

On the Hunt

May I divert your attention to one of my new favorite blogs, Be the BQE.  The creative force behind it, the mysterious Yariski, has started a new series Who Killed Cardvark?  Daring to engage in a topic that others have scorned, or perhaps simply overlooked as unimportant, Yariski delves into the sudden and complete disappearance of one of the MTA's stupidest attempts at making a public relations campaign.

If you read only one blog about a New York City roadway that also devotes its energies to other, slightly absurd topics, let it be this one!

Age Appropriate

What have we here?  Some kind of New York Times-based medical waste?  The collection of an overeager early morning dog walker?

No!

Looks like Mom finally made her kids some play dough.**

Although Finn claims to remember that I made play dough at least once before, what I suspect he is remembering were gifts of homemade play dough given to us from more enterprising mothers.  For me, the recipe always got a little too bogged down when it came to needing cream of tartar, which is neither cream nor tartar (discuss).  Now that I am of a natural dyeing persuasion, I have a big bag of the stuff but at that time, it was a mystery to me.

As I was making the play dough, Finn and Lucy couldn't resist joining in and we had ourselves a great time, so there may be benefits to waiting until your kids are teens to make play dough.  We were laughing and reminiscing, when Lucy recalled Roz Chast's cartoon, Bad Mom Trading Cards.

Click to make larger so you can read it.

Deborah Z. and I have lots to talk about.

** Truth be told, I wasn't making it for Finn and Lucy.  But I promised to bring back whatever was left over.  The other nice thing about waiting until your children are teens to make play dough is that they can actually understand that explanation and will wait patiently for it to happen.  Why does anyone ever make play dough for little kids??  It clearly makes the most sense to wait until they are good and ready.***

***  Note to self:  homemade play dough may be a good going-away present when they leave for college.

Reclaiming Humanity

Those in the know, know that today is Buy Nothing Day.  A day created in response to the Black Friday phenomena where people run out and shop the day after Thanksgiving. Not being the shop-til-you-drop kind of person, it never really captured my imagination any day of the year, let alone this particular Friday. Plus, one of life's greatest pleasures is making things. Making things with my own hands.


Let's do that, shall we?

A top secret project using some handspun yarn from Widdershin Woolworks.  

Lucy's own top secret project using some Koigu that she scored out of my stash.

We are people. We are very, very clever. So go on and make your damn presents already!

Two Kinds of Pie

Headed for the interior of pie #1

Although it has been something of a wild ride of a year, I find myself feeling extra grateful this year as we enter into Gratitude Season.  It was tempting to create some kind of a list but when I tried, I found myself getting rather bogged down in various explanations.  No need for such things really.  And I am sure you are feeling a bit of gratitude for that right there!

There is one thing that I do want to acknowledge, in part because I think it might be useful for others to know if simply as an example of what is possible.  

I feel grateful that Dan and I had the guts to do what needed to be done, and then to do it in a way that didn't include lawyers but does include having Thanksgiving dinner together with Finn and Lucy at Dan's new place this year.   By paying rather scrupulous attention to our intentions and goals for how we want to move forward, we managed to create our separation agreement with, well, agreement.  Breaking up may be hard to do but it doesn't have to mean that you have to hate each other before its over.  

It hasn't been a cakewalk and there have been some pretty low moments but, looking back over the past seven months, I can say for certain that I do not regret a single time when I chose to feel my sadness over my anger, to aim at long-term forgiveness over a moment of revenge.

As a family we are all still getting used to our new relationship with each other.  I think this will continue, perhaps less dramatically or drastically, for the foreseeable future.  Isn't this true no matter what the case?

I believe that none of us would be in this place of general good cheer were it not for the support that I have received from my friends, family and my teacher.  Actually, my many teachers, not the least being Dan, himself.

Thank you to everyone - and if you think I might be speaking directly to you, it is because I am.

PS.  The second kind of pie is less picturesque, coming as it does, from a can.  But it is still pretty darn yummy.  Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends!

Shop Local

When I left you last week, you had kitten shots but no flower shots.  My apologies for the oversight.  To rectify that situation...

It happens that we find ourselves in the tiny scrap of what used to be Manhattan's flower district each Monday.  There are still a few remaining wholesalers of fresh flowers; a handful will sell retail too.  Far too many of the small number of shops sell silk flowers, which miss the point entirely if you ask me.  They must pay the rent better than fresh ones because about half are dedicated to only silk these days.

The first time I went into one of the fresh flower retail shops, I was picking up irises for the ikebana workshop that sparked my new passion.  I was happily surprised to discover that, for once, Manhattan was cheaper than the outer boroughs.  Fresh cut flowers are significantly less expensive in the flower district than at my local corner shop with an outdoor flower seller.  And fresher and have a much better variety.

I realized it would be the work of an instant to pop in each week and buy the flowers for the Temple in Brooklyn and thereby save them some money.  How I do love a bargain.  Plus there is the added benefit that I can pick up a few stems for myself to make an ikebana arrangement.  

It is all so completely and utterly pointless, if you don't count the pure pleasure of every single aspect of it.  But I do.

NSFW - Way Too Cute!

 Look!  Liberated from the Hungry Ghost realm - the lace cowl is finished.  There remains one place where I made a mistake but I am counting on people not noticing.  Can you see it?

Ok, before you try too hard, I will tell you that you can't see it because it is on the other side that I didn't photograph.

When I finished up that one, I immediately cast on for another one.  This time I used a bulky cashmere yarn that I bought on a cone ages ago at School Products.  This one will be a gift.  I soaked it for a good long while in hot water to get rid of the coating that was put on it so it would work on a knitting machine (all coned yarns have this) but it still isn't giving me the cashmere love I know it has in its power.  Any suggestions?  Will wear cause it to fluff up more?

Meanwhile, I will be back in a week - I am off to sesshin up at ZMM.  

Here is a cute kittie picture to soften the blow.

Awwwww......

And another one:

Look at Olive's belly!  I'm melting....

On Being Zen

Recently, photographer Viviana Peretti came to the Zen Center of New York City to shoot some pictures as part of a larger series she is creating about religious life in New York. Over the course of several days, she discreetly captured the life of the Temple, including a jukai ceremony (when a student receives the precepts and the teacher gives them a "dharma name").

I think of that place as so full of life, so I was a little surprised to see that everyone looks quite dour in a lot of the photographs. But then I remembered that the inwardness and silence during sitting and service are what makes the liveliness of the rest of the time possible.

Here is it: On Being Zen by Viviana Peretti. I invite you to have a look at her other series as well - it is very strong.

A Love Letter

In stillness, mind and object merge in realization and go beyond enlightenment.  Nevertheless, in the state of receptive samadhi, without disturbing its quality or moving a single particle you engage the vast buddha activity, the extremely profound and subtle buddha transformation. 

Eihei Dogen, Bendowa (The Wholehearted Way), 1231AD

Stories of Leaving

Artist, Tara Bursey, has a new project.  It is called Newfoundland Stories of Leaving.  Check it out and ask her about how you can contribute.

I snagged this photo from her site - it is her father and a friend c.1970s in Clarenville, Newfoundland.

Go take a look.

Perfectly 13

Last week. Lucy received her very own cellphone.  It seemed to make sense that she have her own phone since she and Finn (they had been sharing one) now are frequently off doing their own thing separately.  She was very happy about it.  At one point, she had a kitten in one hand and her cellphone in the other and she said, "I have two kittens AND my very own cellphone!  Now I have everything I have ever wanted!"

And she meant it.

A Slippery Slope

In my Mysore practice, the instructors recently added garbha pindasana.  It comes after supta kurmasana and is considered one of the core poses to the Ashtanga primary series.  I had been doing a modified version for a couple of years when I do my home practice.  In the modified version, instead of putting your arms through padmasana, you reach around, bind your hands and just hold your legs.  Same with the roll backs.  Instead of kukkutasana at the end, you do utpluthi.  It is easier but still challenging enough (or so I thought).

As I said, I have done this quite happily for a couple of years but the Mysore instructors will have none of that.  It is arms through or nothing at all.  Yesterday morning, I was really struggling, thinking to myself, "I've pushed babies out easier than getting my arms through here!"  Finally, when one of the instructors looked over at my mess, I asked, "what, exactly, is the benefit of this asana?"

She took another look at me and said, "it is very humbling."

Touche!

I was excited to stumble across this video which gives an great tip for getting the arms through in a way that doesn't cause flashbacks to the second stage of labour.

Enjoy and may your arms slip through with ease!

Brace Yourself

Too cool to smile for the camera.

Unless I sing a silly song...

Frightful

All Hallow's Eve was as spooky as it has ever been, despite my best efforts to ignore it completely.

Webster and the neighboring cat had a tense stand-off.  They stared at each other for a good twenty minutes.

Finn created his annual "dead trick or treater" in our front yard.  He has become so accomplished at this that many small children were too scared to come up and ring our bell.  Then Finn got angry about why everyone was just walking past without stopping.  Um, dude?  Could it be the bloody corpse in the way?

And finally after much drama and completely trashing my closet in her search for a costume, Lucy came up with Lady MacBeth.  You see, Lucy and Finn (but especially Lucy) have something of a local reputation for very imaginative costumes and there are neighbors who specifically wait to see what they will be each year.  Such pressure can be a bit paralyzing, if you know what I mean.  She was quite pleased in the end.  Finn, who seems to be nearing the end of his trick or treating days, dithered for weeks, right up to the last minute.  He finally took the easy way out: zombie.  

Now the scariest part of all - what to do with all that disgusting candy that they collected.

Occupy Wall Sheep

My copy of Knit Real Shetland arrived!  I took advantage of the offer of free shipping from the UK and it only took about a week to appear on my doorstep.  The patterns are really strong - I can easily imagine knitting more than half of them, which I think is a pretty good ratio for any knitting book.  

My only criticism is with the colour choices of the samples in the book.  All the patterns are gorgeous but the colours...not so much, in my humble opinion.  

Am I being too cranky to imagine that this design might be even more stunning in a more harmonious colour scheme?  

Ach, everybody's a critic.

Fortunately I can easily imagine them in other colours and if there is one thing that Jamieson and Smith are good at, it is offering a lot of options in that department.  In fact, part of why I purchased this book was because I once, in a fit of enthusiasm, bought their entire colour sampler kit - one skein of each of the colours they sell.  It was very exciting when it arrived but then I was left wondering what exactly I would do with one skein of each colour of their yarn.  Problem solved!  This book has lots of great ideas that require no or only a small amount of supplementing.

The book also contains an interesting introductory essay by Kate Davies about the history of Jamieson and Smith and Shetland knitting in general.  

Shetland wool is unique and Shetland knitting reflects this.  I was recently speaking with a man from New Zealand who was telling me that the wool industry there was in trouble - people just aren't wearing real wool anymore.  As someone who spends a great deal of money on wool, I had a moment of disbelief that this could possibly be true, but I am sure it is.  I have heard similar stories about the Falkland Islands.  And here is Kate Davies again on how products are being marketed as made of wool when, in fact, they have little or no wool content.

In the grand scheme of things, this sounds like it is a very small issue.  But look a little closer.  If we lose traditional industries like the Shetland and Falkland wool industries, we lose a lot more than a handful of jobs and livelihoods on a couple of tiny, ocean-swept islands.  We lose entire cultures, and by that, I mean lose them forever.  So while I may have a small quibble about someone's taste in colour, the truth is that I gladly spent my money on this book, and I will spend more to buy yarn to make the patterns in it.  

It isn't Occupy Wall Street but it is a small gesture to keep this tiny world of ours just a little more interesting for just a little while longer.

And that's why I love snow

The west coast of Newfoundland had its first snowfall earlier this week, but for once, New York is not so far behind.

After an early morning odyssey of four trains to get to a yoga class (usually one train and 20 minutes - thanks MTA!), I was a bit grumpy about the prospect of three trains to get back home.  Yet, when we emerged from underground to head into Queensboro Plaza on the N train, everyone in the car gasped simultaneously.  

What had started as rain in Manhattan had turned to snow.  It was one of those brief moments in the city when everyone is laughing and smiling and talking with strangers in delight about what is happening.

Imagine that!  One moment, everyone is glumly riding along, thinking their thoughts, planning their day, ignoring those around them....and then it snows.

Bring Out Your Dead

In honour of Halloween, and despite of being the Ebenezer Scrooge of said holiday, I have been resurrecting dead projects.  These were my hungry ghosts - looming in the background, wanting to be finished but unable to fit into my schedule or my current interest.

This one got put aside because I made a mistake somewhere along the way.  I forgot how fun this pattern is but now that I am back in the groove, I am cooking along.  I highly recommend it as a beginner's lace pattern.  Here is a link to the free ravelry download.  It will end too soon!

This project dates from 2006, I believe.  Again, I made a mistake that required a bit of ripping back so I put it in a bag and hid it in a dark corner.  But dang it, that was a lot of colourwork to just abandon.  The actual knitting requires a fair amount of concentration so it is not for casual, pick-up work, thus it is still sitting by the couch.  The intention is there, however.

Perhaps my hungry ghosts are ready to be reborn into another realm.  I will let you know.

Meanwhile, please enjoy:

The Felt Cervix Project

Artist Sonya Philip has a new project and she is looking for contributions.  The Felt Cervix Project "aims to highlight the importance of sexual and reproductive familiarity, education and empowerment."  The result will be a large-scale sculptural installation.  Sonya has a blog to keep you up to date on all things happening in the world of felt cervixes (is that the correct way to make cervix plural?).  And you can get the pattern off the website or download it via ravelry.


While I completely appreciate her goal for this project, I think it is just plain old fun to make a felt cervix.  And can you say "homeschool sex ed lesson"?  


Go on!  Make a felt cervix.  You know you wanna.

PS.  If you want to make your knit, then felted, cervix in the company of others, then head on down to Zucotti Park and Occupy Wall Street.  There will be a knit-in there this Sunday at noon.

Kittens and Flowers

This morning I thought I would write a post in response to two of Shawn's recent posts over at islandsweet.  She has been mourning the passing of autumn into winter in Newfoundland, even going as far as to suggest that all the colour is quickly leaving and that she will have to find her inspiration from her collection of sketchbooks rather than the natural world.  I wanted to assure Shawn that winter is full of colour albeit in a minimal palette, but the colour is there if you look.  For me, it is the season that is most inspirational.  

Alas, I also have a friend who was born and raised in Houston, TX, who believes that 90F/32C and 90% humidity is the best kind of weather.  This friend actually thinks that sweating makes you feel fresh and invigorated.  

Fresh and invigorating is a good Arctic wind and recent snowfall.  But we shall have to agree to disagree.  

Just look at the consequences when you take the other route:

Note Webster's jaws locking on Olive's head.  No, we don't need more of that in the world.

Peace, love and understanding (and glowing toenail polish) is what we need.

Also ikebana.  After a long (too long!) respite, ikebana is back!  Yep, it's gonna be all kittens and flowers from now on.

A Vow (with apologies to the wool industry)

The Kitty Cat Sniffle Update is positive - both cats seem to be back to good health.  We shall not speak of how I administered a topical antibiotic to Olive orally by mistake and spent some tense hours believing that I had killed the cat we had just adopted.  Both of us lived to tell the tale, which is all that needs to be said.  There is no knowing if said action contributed to the fact that Olive has been much slower to feel comfortable and trust us, but really, what do you think?  At least they are snoozing on top of the bed instead of under it now.  This seems to be their daylight hours position.  Nighttime is spent racing up and down the stairs, wrestling with each other and knocking things off of shelves.  Good and proper kitten behavior.

For myself, I too race up and down stairs and knock things off of shelves regularly but I am a little light on the wrestling.  All for the best, no doubt.  

After cleaning out my fibre closet in the basement, which had spilled out of its boundaries in a rather alarming way, I finally got my spinning mojo back.  It had taken a little siesta not unlike the above kittens.  But it is back, and not a moment too soon because my clean-up revealed a shocking amount of raw fleece.  Where did it all come from?  Somebody needs to put girlfriend's paypal account on lockdown.

Consider it done.  I hereby vow that no fleece shall enter this house until the supply that exists here and now is well used up.  A public declaration!  Hold me to it, people.

There is More

Accomplishment!  Not only did I purchase a $1.50 adapter for my camera charger, but I finished the socks knit from Zauerball yarn.  I started them in the spring, was sidetracked by, oh, 700 crocheted and knit squares, and finished them a couple of days ago.  They are the best fitting socks I have made to date.  They are nice and snug, which made me realize that I usually knit socks too loosely.  There is a good amount of yarn left over so I think my next sock project (they are the perfect subway knitting) will be a combination of leftovers to make a pair for Lucy, who complained that I "never" make her anything.  

I will add that to the list of how I "refused" to allow her and Finn to learn Japanese and how I "never" let her take up a musical instrument.

Webster thinks otherwise.

A Simpleton and A Dullard

Once I mentioned at the dinner table that I suspected that someone who I had recently met thought of me as a simpleton.  Lucy said, "what's a simpleton?"  And Finn responded with, "Ummm...Lucy.....?"

Today I must confess to being a dullard.  My camera still isn't charged so I have no new photos to share and, frankly, no new nothing to share.  I am spending all my time getting the house in order, keeping Finn and Lucy on track with their activities so that they do not become simpletons, and administering antibiotics to kittens.  It is not exactly juicy blog fodder.

My apologies.

As an offering to you in the hopes that you won't give up on me (I will get that adapter so I can charge the camera battery!), here are a few blog posts from others that I have recently enjoyed:

First, from the ever-wonderful Kate Davies, a post about new book about Shetland knitting that she had a hand in making.  It is put out by Jamieson & Smith in Shetland.  At the moment, you get free shipping from the UK, so take advantage!

Second, from Joanne Mattera, a post about how artists can fundraise for projects with integrity and ingenuity.  It is chock-full of great ideas and sound advice.

Finally, if you already aren't a follower of Shawn over islandsweet, may I recommend you head over there and read about her experiences teaching dyeing and spinning in Jackson's Arm, Newfoundland.  The town, which is slowly dying, is trying to tap into the remarkable talents of its women to create a new economy.  Shawn is helping them develop some new skills as part of that process.  It is a fascinating project and Shawn tells it with beautiful photographs.

Have fun and I promise to return with more sparkling, witty posts soon.

A Banner Day

It is my most wonderful daughter's birthday today, marking the day when we officially have two teenagers at home.  What can I say?  Lucy is great:  she is funny, smart, and a fast knitter, and she has one of the most generous natures of anyone I have ever met.   Happy birthday Lucy!

To celebrate, and to celebrate the arrival of our two new kittens, I want to turn your attention to this film festival happening this very weekend here in NYC.  

Yes, it is a film festival of cute cat videos!  You've spent hours watching them on youtube, now come see them at the Anthology Film Archives.  The program actually seems to go beyond Maru and his boxes into some interesting territory.  

I would post some cute cat photos of my own except that my *brand* *new* *Korean* camera's battery has run down and the charger has a European style plug on it so I need to get an adapter for North American use.  Also, the kitties have been mostly hiding in dark places and sneezing.  Unfortunately, they picked up head colds at the shelter so I spend most of my time with them trying to corner them and force antibiotics in their mouths with a syringe.  I am sure it is some kind of bonding ritual, but is it the good kind?

That's the kitty sniffle update...have a great weekend!

Everything I Know I Learned From Frog and Toad

At our Zen center yesterday, there was a dharma encounter (sometimes also called dharma combat) instead of the usual discourse.  It happens as part of the fall intensive training period, called ango.  In dharma encounter, the teacher sits up front and presents a topic.  Ango participants (one does not have to be a formal student to participate in ango) line up and, one by one, come forward and ask a question or make a comment in response to the topic.  It is like a public dokusan (or face-to-face interview with the teacher, which is normally held privately).  There is only a certain amount of space for people to line up, so when the teacher invites people up, there is usually a scramble as people race to get a space on the line and many are sent back to their seats.

My feelings about the whole thing have mostly been along the lines of "not me! no thanks!"  Or perhaps, "why must every single thing about Zen practice be such exquisite torture?"  In other words, I have been very content to sit on my zafu and watch the proceedings from a safe distance.  From my passive position, I have learned so much from dharma encounters, yet I have had a growing sense that sitting back and watching others was both ungenerous and failed to take advantage of all the teacher is offering me.  

So yesterday I took my place in the line - not without a bit of jostling, I might add.  Perhaps this explains why there are always so many more men participating....another reason to get my ass on line.

An illustration of my state of mind during dharma encounter.

My heart was pounding so hard that I seriously wondered if I would survive.  I feel sore in my heart today, just like when I overwork my hamstrings.  I pulled a heart muscle.

To be honest, I have almost no memory of what I said except to know that it barely made any sense in reference to the topic.  If it was dharma combat, then I was the dog that rolls over and exposes their belly in acquiescence.  I do not know why this kind of thing sends me off the deep end but it surely does.

Later, I was meeting with some others to plan for the next Zen Kids meeting next weekend.  We were looking at a Frog and Toad story about bravery.  At several points in the story, Frog and Toad are under attack (by a snake, a hawk, etc.) and they run away, but at the same time they are shouting, "I am not afraid!"  

From "Dragons and Giants" in Frog and Toad Together by Arnold Lobel, 1972.

Sounds very familiar.

Irrational Exuberance

Since Dan moved out, there has been a lot of cat talk around here.  No, we don't go around meowing and purring (most of the time), but there was a growing realization that, with the primary allergy sufferer gone,  we could have the long-desired cat.  In many ways, it makes no sense whatsoever unless said cat learns to travel in a car to Newfoundland on a regular basis.  This isn't completely impossible but it is a little far fetched.

Yet once the furry topic was raised, there was no putting it down (so to speak).  We began to make rationalizations about how it would be possible.  Then we decided that "it wouldn't hurt" to go to the North Shore Animal League - the world's largest no-kill shelter, btw - and just have a little look around.

Please meet Olive.  She is about six months old and very sweet.  What you don't see in this picture is her brother, Webster, who was hiding under my bed.  In for a penny, in for a pound, I suppose.

Finn came up with Webster's name based on a story in the Mr. Mulliner series by P.G. Wodehouse.  In it, there is a cat named Webster who seems to exude a kind of moral uprightness that forces the slightly debauched P.G. Wodehouse character to give up his drinking and carousing.  Each time he would reach for the bottle, he would look over at Webster and see that "Webster thinks otherwise."  Finn managed to find a kitten that had that "Webster thinks otherwise" air about him.   Guess my party days are over.

Some Miscellaneous Scratch

It's fall!  The best season to be in New York, as anyone will tell you.

It feels great to be able to enjoy this season with no deadlines or massive projects to complete.  Instead, I have lots of small projects that I can now attend to and enjoy, including making that kimono and fixing up the house to feel new and refreshed.  I got out the Benjamin Moore colour card set (yes, a friend who knows my love of painting the living room gave me the complete set) and Lucy and I have been deep in discussion about what the next incarnation should be.  Occasionally we get side tracked by the names of the colours.  Lucy created a quiz game where she read off the names and I had to guess what the colour was - if you think "Stoney Iron" is a rust colour, then you would be wrong (it is a deep blue).

The one downer has been that, in my absence, we developed an infestation of pantry moths.  Considering that the kitchen had not really been used as a going concern for almost a year, I guess we were lucky it was nothing worse.  Still, it was slightly alarming to find a dozen little caterpillars on the ceiling in the morning.  As a public service, I offer you my three-pronged strategy for getting rid of the infestation: 1.  Kill every visible moth and caterpillar mercilessly.  2.  Clean out all the cupboards and throw away anything that isn't sealed in metal.  This was tough from both an environmental and economic perspective but again, I had to be merciless.  And there were some scary items at the back of some of the below-the-counter cupboards.  We shall not speak of the container of black rice from 2009.  3.  Scatter bay leaves liberally on the shelves.  Apparently your man the pantry moth hates the smell with a passion and will pack his bags immediately upon getting a good whiff of it.  I read that on the internets and I can't say that it is true for sure, but I do know that three days of this strategy seems to have eliminated the problem.  Go bay leaves!

If you too are lucky enough to be enjoying autumn in New York, may I make a suggestion for an evening out this week?  Consider attending the short-film festival "Made from Scratch", which is billed as a celebration of New Yorkers who "create products and companies from the raw materials of the city itself  and themselves.  My project, Spindle 7, was entered by the person who edited the video about it,  Susan Forste, and it is a finalist!  A screening and reception will be held on October 6th at 287 Spring Street beginning at 8pm.  Hope to see you there!

Fear and One's Thoughts and Opinions About That Fear Are Not The Same Thing